Sunday, November 25, 2012

Nice Guys

So some girls say they want to date nice guys. But they also tell (alleged) nice guys that they just want to be friends. "Nice guys" get frustrated at the inconsistency.

Some "nice guys" then get mad and start bashing the women who want nice-guys-except-you. And some women respond by pointing out that he couldn't have cared all that much about you as a person if he rejects your friendship when you don't want to be romantic. (See here. Warning: crude language.) Of course, if you treat her like crap just because she doesn't want to date you, you aren't actually a nice guy to begin with, so the whole conversation is moot.

But not every nice guy who complains is a secret asshole. I think it depends on how you complain--what you do and say.

And, really, this goes for both genders. I'd think it'd be obvious that you can both care deeply about someone and have romantic feelings for that person. If the romantic feelings aren't reciprocated it can get be quite painful, and I don't think complaining about your pain is an inherently jerk thing to do.

On the internet it seems like all the "nice guys" who complain aren't at all nice anyway, but in reality I've known plenty of guys I considered genuinely nice who struggled in the dating world for other reasons. I can see how that would be really frustrating.


  1. I guess it's just frustrating that when you make a list of character traits that make a guy an intolerable jerk, and character traits that make a guy irresistible to women... it's the same frickin' list.

    And then if you don't have the lack of moral integrity it takes to be attractive to women, about the only thing you can think of sometimes is to try and "sneak in" to her heart by becoming her friend first... only to learn that, no, sorry, that doesn't work, you're too caring and supportive for her tastes.

    Then you make a list of all the character traits she calls you in telling you she doesn't want to date you, and all the character traits women typically allege to be looking for in a guy, and they're the same frickin' list.

    But it's a completely disjoint list from what actually attracts them.

    That said, going on to reddit and calling a woman all kinds of crude names is definitely not the proper response. And complaining about the "friendzone" is kind of losery. And complaining about girls not immediately jumping up and reciprocating love to every male to make a move on them, is kind of sexist. Do they jump up and reciprocate love to every female to make a move on them?

    You never heard much about girls being friendzoned, either.

    I'll stop talking now :P

    1. You don't hear about girls getting friendzoned because "just friends" to girls means no sexual or romantic interaction (or sometimes it just means no sexual interaction) and "just friends" to guys means no strong emotional attachment/commitment, but there could be plenty of sex. But "friendzoned" colloquially means "no sex" so...guys don't friendzone girls because in general guys are willing to have sex with girls they are "just friends" with. I hope it's clear that I'm generalizing.

      I think women are usually attracted to confidence and "nice guys" (which I consider a specific meaning that's a subset of all guys that are not jerks) tend to be pretty passive. Jerks tend to be confident. However there are also decent men who are confident, and I think most women will go for them over both the "nice guys" and the jerks.

      Outside of confidence, I don't know of many personality traits that would be on both the Intolerable Jerk List and the Irresistible List. Ideas?

      I also think the What I'm Looking For List includes both what she says publicly that she's looking for (that a lot of "nice guys" have) plus other traits she won't admit because they don't sound as nice, like "tall, dark, and handsome" or any physical description, really.

      Just my quick thoughts.

    2. "I think women are usually attracted to confidence and 'nice guys' (which I consider a specific meaning that's a subset of all guys that are not jerks) tend to be pretty passive. Jerks tend to be confident. However there are also decent men who are confident, and I think most women will go for them over both the "nice guys" and the jerks."


  2. I need some advice I have known this guy for three years and I have prayed about it ad he keeps on coming back in my life. I find myself message him a lot because I want to help him out and he keeps me waiting and everytime he sees on Facebook or text that I am dating another guy then he immediately texts meand gives me the attention and wants to hang out with me, so what is that all about. I deleted his number like a few months ago because I said I am over you and you don't want to be with me and leading me on, so that was it. Then six months later he contacts me to say that he got a new phone and doesn't know who this is (right lol). He tells me he doesn't want to be with another girl like that, so whatever. He puts drinking, friends, work and anything else before a relationship. I think I should just loose contact with him completely, so that is a good thing delete him off Facebook and just move on with my life. His friend added me on Facebook too, but you know I am just ready to move on. I want a guy to be into me instead of talking to all these girls and most of these girls are married and they should be into their husbands not another guy. He tells me about it. He is worried about getting into another relationship, but whatever. I just need some advice. He doesn't talk to me anymore except when he sees that I am with another guy, so he wants what he can't have,so so sad to me. He doesn't do anything for me. He recently started seeing me every Saturday for awhile and then he was talking about getting serious with me like two weeks ago. He stood out in the rain with me. He just afraid to fall in love with a girl and I am just going to move on. God bless you. I want a man that loves God, follows God, reads the Holy Bible, prays, fellowship, worship, goes to church with me and we dedicate our lives to God too. He was joking around with me about marriage, so girls you are not the only one that has problems. He likes to drink and he knows I don't like him drinking. He used to text me all the time when he knew I was with a different guy. I am going to go to more Young Adult Church groups to meet other guys too. I am more than this, but I tend to contact him to much because I want to prove a point. It is so confusing when somebody wants to talk about getting serious and that was it.